renew,reflect and rest

these are words posted on a board in front of an anglican church in my neighborhood. tomorrow will be the third sunday in lent. and well for me, i have not done much in the three department. i hope that starting this coming week to do so. with so much on my mind, i have been putting off about my plans for japan. i think that during this lenten season, i should reflect and think of my reasons for going. as well about my future seriously.
i mentioned in a previous blog about another church i have involvement with. i would like to write about some reflections right now. i have presently decided not to go to the church for personal reasons. i deeply care for the church. and would like to be more involved with the church. my reason are these: having to work at night, the service goes on late into the afternoon, and the present 40 days of purpose. it seems selfish, yet i'm struggling against anything evangelical. i know God works in many ways, and he may use this time to grow the church. however, i am in a personal struggle and don't know if this church could help me. i know i shouldn't struggle on my own. that i should seek help. these times reminds me that being a follower of Christ is not a happy road at all times but also a road paved with potholes. i hope that some of my friends reading would somehow understand that i am still trying to go foward with God.

getting back

it's wednesday. there's things to be done. and i haven't done some things. it's been a struggle these last two days. since the weather is nice and if it is this way, i should go walk. anyways, it's almost time for work.
need to refocus.

rest

i probably won't be putting anything up until tuesday. if anyone is reading, don't hesitate to comment or email me. i need to retreat and take a rest. to think about my future. shalom to all.

gou

confessions of a church goer

in my life time, i have been attending a church for a long time. lately, it's been struggle to go to church. i've gone to a church with predominately black congregation, a seeker friendly church, an ethnic church and now an anglican church. i began attending the traditional anglican church while i was attending a bible college. some professor's from the college attended the church and some friends were starting to attend as well. i was hesitant but quickly embraced the liturgy and style of worship. as i moved back to edmonton, i continued my worship at an anglican church. there is one near where i live, however i began going to one further from where i live.
this church has a choir, and has pews. and the wooden floor with the stained glasses all around, makes me happy. recently, i've been in a spiritual struggle. i hope to get away from these feelings...there is another church that have been integral in my life, but that is for another time.

shopping in a multicultural society

i enjoy shopping. i especially do when it involves, shopping for the restaurant. take this saturday. i went to superstore, then to an italian supermarket,and then to a chinese supermarket. only in a country like canada, could someone go to different ethnic stores in one day. i'm amazed how these people have succeed and still operate to this day. i've always amazed how chinese ppl are able to get by with only speaking chinese. almost all the time i get spoken to in chinese, whenever i'm in a chinese store. (probably because i'm asian and might look chinese.)to me, going into these store is like being in a foreign country. that is why i enjoy shopping. i'll probably expand more on these shopping experiences another time.

double happiness

last night, i watched a film called "double happiness" written and directed by mina shum. (how appropriate, as wedneday was the chinese new year) the film is about a 22year old canadian-chinese girl jade, (played by sandra oh) who is aspiring to be an actress. it deals with the relationship between her and her parent's. and the pressure from parent's to do something better than acting. it also deals with jade, dealing with dating a white guy and knowing parent's disaproval, trying to grapple with respecting the parent's wishes of marrying someone chinese.
this film made me think of my own background as a canadian-japanese. even though my parent's don't care, whether i marry someone who is non-japanese. i struggle with this issue at times. do i marry someone who is japanese, because i like japanese food and my parent's are both japanese. i grapple because i'd like to marry someone who could understand the culture. i struggle to find someone right now, and maybe one of the reason i would like to go to japan, is that there i might meet someone. of course being japanese is not the only important factor. but, then i have to tell myself do i see myself living the rest of my life with tis person.

lent

this is my first blog, and today is also the first day in lent. it is ash wednesday.
last sunday, at an anglican church i attended, the parishoner's were given a task for lent from the rector. it was to make a friend to some who is a stranger or an aquintatace. he told the parishshoner's the focus is on the other person. and to "remember the passion of our Lord and his glorious resurection, events in which God's sacrificial love and mercy towards those around us: become a friend for someone new and be a mean for God's grace to be shared with all people."
i do not belong to this church, but i was challenged. and i have put this as something i will do during lent.