renew,reflect and rest

these are words posted on a board in front of an anglican church in my neighborhood. tomorrow will be the third sunday in lent. and well for me, i have not done much in the three department. i hope that starting this coming week to do so. with so much on my mind, i have been putting off about my plans for japan. i think that during this lenten season, i should reflect and think of my reasons for going. as well about my future seriously.
i mentioned in a previous blog about another church i have involvement with. i would like to write about some reflections right now. i have presently decided not to go to the church for personal reasons. i deeply care for the church. and would like to be more involved with the church. my reason are these: having to work at night, the service goes on late into the afternoon, and the present 40 days of purpose. it seems selfish, yet i'm struggling against anything evangelical. i know God works in many ways, and he may use this time to grow the church. however, i am in a personal struggle and don't know if this church could help me. i know i shouldn't struggle on my own. that i should seek help. these times reminds me that being a follower of Christ is not a happy road at all times but also a road paved with potholes. i hope that some of my friends reading would somehow understand that i am still trying to go foward with God.