where's my place

friday started awful. i don't want to get into details but it was terrible. the night at our restaurant was quiet. we had quite of number of ppl coming but not too busy. i got off around 830pm, and went to the japanese church's church house. i arrived just as the gift exchange was coming to a close. afterwards, i thought some ppl might stay but all the family left. so i was left talking with the pastor (young female pastor) and the other boarders. we talked on relationship. one of the person, is korean and she related her story about dating a korean who was raised in canada. i related in the struggle i have with finding my soul mate as we speak. then i talked for an hour with some guys and this other girl whose at the house. it was part idle talk but was good to talk. afterwards i picked up my mother who was at kobe's staff party. it was just after 1am. appraently ppl came late and so it was around the time it started to slow down. i talked to my mother how i'm losing my place with the japanese church. how there's many family and for a single person, it's difficult in someways to fit in. right now, there are few single ppl but it seems the majority are married, divorced or remarried. i look at holy trinity and see that it is a struggle there to find my place. there's not many single ppl, especially men. i said i'm looking for a soul mate but i would like to find some likeminded men who i could casually have a beer or something. and then there's sol, sol is a place for solitude, a place i could go to get away from any organized church. (i mean in terms of holy trinity or the japanese church) joining sol is getting away from the japanese culture and being able to be canadian. to speak english, think in english, engage in english. it makes me forget at times of my own japanese identity. i'm glad that there is a group like sol.
so i ask myself where's my place in this world. i know this place is temporary but i think it's important to have a place. i'm thinking of going into the artistic world but my christian world will still be important. i hope to stay in edmonton. being able to go to holy trinity, the japanese church and to sol. these are my places but right now the japanese church seems out of place. that i have no place inside the group. i feel like an outsider looking in. just an observer. if i'm just that then i might as well cut myself out of the picture. and that will leave two and i think that might just be alright.